4th Annual FFB Extravaganza - 09/05/13
According to my closest friends (and the 1,300 other "friends" I have on Facebook that I have never met) I have 3 minor, tiny, hardly worth mentioning flaws: a desire to be the center of attention at all times, a constant craving for Peanut M&M's that nearly cost me my career as the Fashion Industry's Top male model, and an unshakeable addiction for the great game of FANTASY FOOTBALL (I wrote it in caps. So you know it must be important).
For geeks like me, Fantasy Football season is like Christmas, my Birthday, and that night when the bars let you stay one extra hour, all wrapped into one ("How youuuuuu doin'")
I am proud to say I have now played FFB for half my life (I don't exactly have a lot to brag about). This will be my 22nd season, all played with my college buddies from *The* Lock Haven University. (Just try and get in that prestigious school with less than a 2.4 High School GPA. Try it. I dare you)
As millions of you now know, FFB is more addictive than popping Bubble wrap, secretly making fun of a close friends Facebook post, ("Ralphy just gurgled, and then soiled his onesie. Here's 37 new pictures!") or constructing the perfect board on Pinterest! (That's right. I said it. I'm out of the closet. Loud and proud)
So with that in mind, let's commence with the unveiling of my "4th Annual FFB Extravaganza". My fearless predictions for the upcoming season, at least 7-8 of which could totally come to fruition.
6 Studs that scare me:
- Adrian Peterson: guys coming off Career or near Record breaking seasons almost always plummet statistically the following year. Good thing I didn't take him #1 overall. Oh wait...
- Doug Martin: Sorry but I like guys with a track record. I need a proven star with my 1st Rounder
- Charlie Spiller: looooooove Spiller. Hate that he's tied to a Rookie QB
- Arian Foster: declining YPC combined with all sorts of preseason ailments makes me leery. And by leery I mean petrified.
- Matt Stafford: I saw what happened to that offense during the preseason without Calvin Johnson (MEGATRON). And it was not pretty.
- RGIII: love his socks. Hate his knee
5 guys who are about to go "next level":
- T.Y. Hilton: You can have Wayne. I'll take Hilton (and I did, he giggled like a schoolgirl)
- Chris Givens: the guy can fly. Best Givens since "Ernest"
- David Wilson: or as he is aptly being called "The NFC's Chris Johnson"
- Ben Tate: If Arian breaks, he's gonna blow up
- Giovanni Bernard: love the upside. Wish I could have gotten him
5 Guys who probably fell way too far in your draft:
- Tony Romo: hate the Cowboys? think Romo is a choker? Fine, and you're probably right. But the guy lights it up year...after...year.
- Ahmad Bradshaw: injury history is admittedly scary, but he is a heck of a back playing in a great offense
- Mike Williams: dropped crazy far in our draft, yet posted nearly the same amount of points last season as more heralded teammate Vincent Jackson
- Greg Olsen: may be Top 3 TE
- Chris Johnson: was outside Top 10 in many preseason rankings. Won't be next year
5 "Boom or bust" players that could decide your Fantasy fate:
- Arian: TD machine...*if* healthy
- Jordy Nelson: which Jordy are we gonna see? 2011 or 2012?
- Rob Gronkowski: the ultimate - if healthy - difference maker. Calvin Johnson numbers from a TE = fantasy gold.
- Maurice Jones-Drew: see Jordy Nelson
- James Jones: a ton of TD's last year but very few total receptions. Tough formula to repeat
5 Women I would totally spend a Sunday watching FFB with, should my loving and understanding wife get lost in the Himalayas, or suffer a tragic Hot Air balloon accident. Or maybe just get sidetracked in the Produce section of the local Supermarket (Did I mention my wife's awesome sense of humor? No? I really should have)
- Emily Ratajkowski: You wanna hug me. What rhymes with hug me?
- Kristen Wiig: "Gilly..."
- Jennifer Lawrence: Is she anything like her "Silver Linings" character? No reason
- Anna Kendrick: I wanna see if she can do the "Cups" thing with pint glasses
- Charissa Thompson: because she doesn't need a producer to tell her what to say
5 Guys I didn't know what to make of and totally avoided:
- Eric Decker: How many mouths can Peyton feed?
- Reggie Bush: We don't play PPR (because we're not stupid) so I let him slide by
- Darren McFadden: enough said
- Colin Kaepernick: He excites the heck out of me - and Ron Jaworski - but not enough to tie my fate to him
- Danny Amendola: Could easily be the new Welker. Or get hurt for the 90th time
5 "Big names" I wanted no part of:
- Mike Wallace: doesn't catch a ton of balls, and now plays with Tannehill? No thanks
- Greg Jennings: love the former WMU Broncos talent, but want no part of Christian Ponder
- Dwayne Bowe: I know Alex Smith is supposed to fix things, but let's just say I'm a wee bit dubious
- Marques Colston: I know he's seen as "Mr. Consistent", but his lack of speed and ever present lower body issues have got to catch up with him at some point, don't they?
- DeMarco Murray: I may be a Cowboys fan, but I'm not a stupid Cowboys fan
6 Mid-Late Round picks that could lead you to the Fantasy Bowl:
- Michael Vick: razor sharp in preseason.
- DeSean Jackson: you can't teach speed. (Or Math, as I proved in High School)
- Kenbrell Thompkins: a lot of people don't even know that my middle name is Kenbrell
- Lamar Miller: the experts love him, but if he's so good, why didn't he see the field last year?
- Eddie Lacy: the talent is there, but is the commitment to the run?
- Josh Gordon: huuuuuuuuuge upside
8 Things I would do if I were elected "Intergalactic president of FFB"
- Sentence anyone who plays in a PPR league to death. Or to a severe scolding. I can...not...understand...why...anyone...would...play....PPR. A catch by itself means nothing. A catch for no gain, a catch for 2 yards, a catch for minus 2 yards is rewarded with a point....why?!? Total yardage means something, a TD obviously means something. Rewarding a Running back for catching a ton of dump passes is ludicrous. Reggie Bush is a wonderful talent, but he shouldn't be going in the 2nd or 3rd round of *anyone's* draft. Wake up
- Make everyone watch "The League" ("it's like wiping Peanut Butter out of a Shag carpet")
- Hold a huge summit to hammer out rules that every single league would play by. If only so when your buddy says "I scored 87 points this week" you know whether to congratulate him or mock him.
- Abolish 2 QB leagues. Almost - but not quite - as dumb as PPR leagues. FFB is supposed to emulate "real" FB, do NFL teams start 2 QB's at the same time he asked mockingly?
- Make it mandatory to gather together for the draft. And to haze the living hell out of each other when you do. Because that's how friends know you care. Stupid.
- Figure out a way to crown a single National Champion. Because brilliance needs to be recognized.
- Get rid of decimal based scoring. Look, I'm a FFB geek, but I'm not *that* much of a FFB geek
- Mandate that FFB be taught to Elementary school children. So they don't grow up and start PPR leagues :)
Have a great season everybody! If you want to talk FFB this year, just hit me up on Twitter @andypepper7 or @APepperWWMT. What's that? Why do I have *two* Twitter accounts you ask? Did I not mention the thing about needing constant attention?! Honestly, some people just don't pay attention...